Jesus Christ had often been warned that Judas Iscariot was a man of
very evil repute, and that He ought to beware of him. Some of the
disciples, who had been in Judaea, knew him well, while others had
heard much about him from various sources, and there was none who had
a good word for him. If good people in speaking of him blamed him,
as covetous, cunning, and inclined to hypocrisy and lying, the bad,
when asked concerning him, inveighed against him in the severest terms.
"He is always making mischief among us," they would say, and spit in
contempt. "He always has some thought which he keeps to himself. He
creeps into a house quietly, like a scorpion, but goes out again with
an ostentatious noise. There are friends among thieves, and comrades
among robbers, and even liars have wives, to whom they speak the
truth; but Judas laughs at thieves and honest folk alike, although he
is himself a clever thief. Moreover, he is in appearance the ugliest
person in Judaea. No! he is no friend of ours, this foxy-haired
Judas Iscariot," the bad would say, thereby surprising the good
people, in whose opinion there was not much difference between him
and all other vicious people in Judaea. They would recount further
that he had long ago deserted his wife, who was living in poverty and
misery, striving to eke out a living from the unfruitful patch of
land which constituted his estate. He had wandered for many years
aimlessly among the people, and had even gone from one sea to the
other,--no mean distance,--and everywhere he lied and grimaced, and
would make some discovery with his thievish eye, and then suddenly
disappear, leaving behind him animosity and strife. Yes, he was as
inquisitive, artful and hateful as a one-eyed demon. Children he had
none, and this was an additional proof that Judas was a wicked man,
that God would not have from him any posterity.
None of the disciples had noticed when it was that this ugly,
foxy-haired Jew first appeared in the company of Christ: but he had
for a long time haunted their path, joined in their conversations,
performed little acts of service, bowing and smiling and currying
favour. Sometimes they became quite used to him, so that he escaped
their weary eyes; then again he would suddenly obtrude himself on eye
and ear, irritating them as something abnormally ugly, treacherous
and disgusting. They would drive him away with harsh words, and for
a short time he would disappear, only to reappear suddenly,
officious, flattering and crafty as a one-eyed demon.
There was no doubt in the minds of some of the disciples that under
his desire to draw near to Jesus was hidden some secret intention--
some malign and cunning scheme.
But Jesus did not listen to their advice; their prophetic voice did
not reach His ears. In that spirit of serene contradiction, which
ever irresistibly inclined Him to the reprobate and unlovable, He
deliberately accepted Judas, and included him in the circle of the
chosen. The disciples were disturbed and murmured under their
breath, but He would sit still, with His face towards the setting
sun, and listen abstractedly, perhaps to them, perhaps to something
else. For ten days there had been no wind, and the transparent
atmosphere, wary and sensitive, continued ever the same, motionless
and unchanged. It seemed as though it preserved in its transparent
depths every cry and song made during those days by men and beasts
and birds--tears, laments and cheerful song, prayers and curses--and
that on account of these crystallised sounds the air was so heavy,
threatening, and saturated with invisible life. Once more the sun
was sinking. It rolled heavily downwards in a flaming ball, setting
the sky on fire. Everything upon the earth which was turned towards
it: the swarthy face of Jesus, the walls of the houses, and the
leaves of the trees--everything obediently reflected that distant,
fearfully pensive light. Now the white walls were no longer white,
and the white city upon the white hill was turned to red.
And lo! Judas arrived. He arrived bowing low, bending his back,
cautiously and timidly protruding his ugly, bumpy head--just exactly
as his acquaintances had described. He was spare and of good height,
almost the same as that of Jesus, who stooped a little through the
habit of thinking as He walked, and so appeared shorter than He was.
Judas was to all appearances fairly strong and well knit, though for
some reason or other he pretended to be weak and somewhat sickly. He
had an uncertain voice. Sometimes it was strong and manly, then
again shrill as that of an old woman scolding her husband,
provokingly thin, and disagreeable to the ear, so that ofttimes one
felt inclined to tear out his words from the ear, like rough,
decaying splinters. His short red locks failed to hide the curious
form of his skull. It looked as if it had been split at the nape of
the neck by a double sword-cut, and then joined together again, so
that it was apparently divided into four parts, and inspired
distrust, nay, even alarm: for behind such a cranium there could be
no quiet or concord, but there must ever be heard the noise of
sanguinary and merciless strife. The face of Judas was similarly
doubled. One side of it, with a black, sharply watchful eye, was
vivid and mobile, readily gathering into innumerable tortuous
wrinkles. On the other side were no wrinkles. It was deadly flat,
smooth, and set, and though of the same size as the other, it seemed
enormous on account of its wide-open blind eye. Covered with a
whitish film, closing neither night nor day, this eye met light and
darkness with the same indifference, but perhaps on account of the
proximity of its lively and crafty companion it never got full credit
for blindness.
When in a paroxysm of joy or excitement, Judas would close his sound
eye and shake his head. The other eye would always shake in unison
and gaze in silence. Even people quite devoid of penetration could
clearly perceive, when looking at Judas, that such a man could bring
no good....
And yet Jesus brought him near to Himself, and once even made him
sit next to Him. John, the beloved disciple, fastidiously moved
away, and all the others who loved their Teacher cast down their eyes
in disapprobation. But Judas sat on, and turning his head from side
to side, began in a somewhat thin voice to complain of ill-health,
and said that his chest gave him pain in the night, and that when
ascending a hill he got out of breath, and when he stood still on the
edge of a precipice he would be seized with a dizziness, and could
scarcely restrain a foolish desire to throw himself down. And many
other impious things he invented, as though not understanding that
sicknesses do not come to a man by chance, but as a consequence of
conduct not corresponding with the laws of the Eternal. Thus Judas
Iscariot kept on rubbing his chest with his broad palm, and even
pretended to cough, midst a general silence and downcast eyes.
John, without looking at the Teacher, whispered to his friend Simon
Peter--
"Aren't you tired of that lie? I can't stand it any longer. I am
going away."
Peter glanced at Jesus, and meeting his eye, quickly arose.
"Wait a moment," said he to his friend.
Once more he looked at Jesus; sharply as a stone torn from a
mountain, he moved towards Judas, and said to him in a loud voice,
with expansive, serene courtesy--
"You will come with us, Judas."
He gave him a kindly slap on his bent back, and without looking at
the Teacher, though he felt His eye upon him, resolutely added in his
loud voice, which excluded all objection, just as water excludes air--
"It does not matter that you have such a nasty face. There fall
into our nets even worse monstrosities, and they sometimes turn out
very tasty food. It is not for us, our Lord's fishermen, to throw
away a catch, merely because the fish have spines, or only one eye.
I saw once at Tyre an octopus, which had been caught by the local
fishermen, and I was so frightened that I wanted to run away. But
they laughed at me. A fisherman from Tiberias gave me some of it to
eat, and I asked for more, it was so tasty. You remember, Master,
that I told you the story, and you laughed, too. And you, Judas, are
like an octopus--but only on one side."
And he laughed loudly, content with his joke. When Peter spoke, his
words resounded so forcibly, that it seemed as though he were driving
them in with nails. When Peter moved, or did anything, he made a
noise that could be heard afar, and which called forth a response
from the deafest of things: the stone floor rumbled under his feet,
the doors shook and rattled, and the very air was convulsed with
fear, and roared. In the clefts of the mountains his voice awoke the
inmost echo, and in the morning-time, when they were fishing on the
lake, he would roll about on the sleepy, glittering water, and force
the first shy sunbeams into smiles.
For this apparently he was loved: when on all other faces there
still lay the shadow of night, his powerful head, and bare breast,
and freely extended arms were already aglow with the light of dawn.
The words of Peter, evidently approved as they were by the Master,
dispersed the oppressive atmosphere. But some of the disciples, who
had been to the seaside and had seen an octopus, were disturbed by
the monstrous image so lightly applied to the new disciple. They
recalled the immense eyes, the dozens of greedy tentacles, the
feigned repose--and how all at once: it embraced, clung, crushed and
sucked, all without one wink of its monstrous eyes. What did it
mean? But Jesus remained silent, He smiled with a frown of kindly
raillery on Peter, who was still telling glowing tales about the
octopus. Then one by one the disciples shame-facedly approached
Judas, and began a friendly conversation, with him, but--beat a hasty
and awkward retreat.
Only John, the son of Zebedee, maintained an obstinate silence; and
Thomas had evidently not made up his mind to say anything, but was
still weighing the matter. He kept his gaze attentively fixed on
Christ and Judas as they sat together. And that strange proximity of
divine beauty and monstrous ugliness, of a man with a benign look,
and of an octopus with immense, motionless, dully greedy eyes,
oppressed his mind like an insoluble enigma.
He tensely wrinkled his smooth, upright forehead, and screwed up his
eyes, thinking that he would see better so, but only succeeded in
imagining that Judas really had eight incessantly moving feet. But
that was not true. Thomas understood that, and again gazed
obstinately.
Judas gathered courage: he straightened out his arms, which had been
bent at the elbows, relaxed the muscles which held his jaws in
tension, and began cautiously to protrude his bumpy head into the
light. It had been the whole time in view of all, but Judas imagined
that it had been impenetrably hidden from sight by some invisible,
but thick and cunning veil. But lo! now, as though creeping out from
a ditch, he felt his strange skull, and then his eyes, in the light:
he stopped and then deliberately exposed his whole face. Nothing
happened; Peter had gone away somewhere or other. Jesus sat pensive,
with His head leaning on His hand, and gently swayed His sunburnt
foot. The disciples were conversing together, and only Thomas gazed
at him attentively and seriously, like a conscientious tailor taking
measurement. Judas smiled; Thomas did not reply to the smile; but
evidently took it into account, as he did everything else, and
continued to gaze. But something unpleasant alarmed the left side of
Judas' countenance as he looked round. John, handsome, pure, without
a single fleck upon his snow-white conscience, was looking at him out
of a dark corner, with cold but beautiful eyes. And though he walked
as others walk, yet Judas felt as if he were dragging himself along
the ground like a whipped cur, as he went up to John and said: "Why
are you silent, John? Your words are like golden apples in vessels
of silver filigree; bestow one of them on Judas, who is so poor."
John looked steadfastly into his wide-open motionless eye, and said
nothing. And he looked on, while Judas crept out, hesitated a
moment, and then disappeared in the deep darkness of the open door.
Since the full moon was up, there were many people out walking.
Jesus went out too, and from the low roof on which Judas had spread
his couch he saw Him going out. In the light of the moon each white
figure looked bright and deliberate in its movements; and seemed not
so much to walk as to glide in front of its dark shadow. Then
suddenly a man would be lost in something black, and his voice became
audible. And when people reappeared in the moonlight, they seemed
silent--like white walls, or black shadows--as everything did in the
transparent mist of night. Almost every one was asleep when Judas
heard the soft voice of Jesus returning. All in and around about the
house was still. A cock crew; somewhere an ass, disturbed in his
sleep, brayed aloud and insolently as in daytime, then reluctantly
and gradually relapsed into silence. Judas did not sleep at all, but
listened surreptitiously. The moon illumined one half of his face,
and was reflected strangely in his enormous open eye, as on the
frozen surface of a lake.
Suddenly he remembered something, and hastily coughed, rubbing his
perfectly healthy chest with his hairy hand: maybe some one was not
yet asleep, and was listening to what Judas was thinking!