Dan had been out of town, an' immediately on his return he came to
my office.
"'How's business?' I asked.
"'Well, the ham war was a little hard on us, but we're picking up,'
says he. 'They're still selling hams way below a decent price over
at Henshaw's. I don't see how they can do it.'
"'I do,' I says.
"'Please explain," says Dan.
"'Don't you know that Lizzie was buyin' most o' those hams that you
sold way below the wholesale price, an' that she's now makin' a
good profit on 'em?' I says.
"'Great Scott!' Dan exclaimed, as he sank in a chair.
"'The fact is, Dan, the only way to keep up with that girl is to
marry her,' says I. 'Get busy. If you don't somebody else will.
Put a mortgage on her an' foreclose it as soon as possible. As a
floatin' asset Lizzie is dangerous.'
"Dan picked up his hat an' started for the door.
"'Tell her she must do business or you'll cut the price of
Pettigrews,' I suggested.
"'Good idea!' he answered, as he went away.
"Meanwhile Mr. an' Mrs. Bill Warburton were hot on the trail of
Lizzie.
"Bill came to me one day an' said: 'Those babies have solved the
problem; my wife is happy and in excellent health. She sleeps an'
eats as well as ever, an' her face has a new look--you have
observed it?'
"'Certainly, Bill, an' you're goin' to hear some rather chesty an'
superior talk. I saw what was the matter long ago--she was
motor-sick, an' tiara-sick, an' dog-sick, an' horse-sick. She was
sick of idleness an' rich food an' adulation. She has discovered
that there are only three real luxuries--work, children,
motherhood--that to shirk responsibility is to forfeit happiness.
I have been a little disappointed in you, Bill. Your father was a
minister; he had the love of men in his soul. You seem to have
taken to dogs an' horses with an affection almost brotherly. I
don't blame you so much. When men get rich they naturally achieve
a passion for the things that money will buy. They think they've
got to improve the breed o' dogs an' horses, an' they're apt to
forget the breed o' men. You've been pursuin' Happiness with dogs,
horses, an' motor-cars. You never can catch her in that
way--never. Don't you remember, Bill, that in the old days we
didn't pursue Happiness? Why, Happiness pursued us an' generally
caught us. Some days she didn't succeed until we were all tired
out, an' then she led us away into the wonderful land o' dreams,
an' it was like heaven. You never get Happiness by pursuin'
her--that's one dead sure thing. Happiness is never captured.
She comes unbidden or not at all. She travels only in one path,
an' you haven't found it. Bill, we've strayed a little. Let's try
to locate the trail o' Happiness. I believe we're gettin' near it.
"'Last year a colt of yours won a classic event of the turf. How
much finer it would be if you had some boys in training for the
sublime contests of life, an' it wouldn't cost half so much. You
know, there are plenty of homeless boys who need your help.
Wouldn't it pay better to develop a Henry M. Stanley--once a
homeless orphan--than a Salvator or an Ormonde or a Rayon d'Or?'
"'Pound away,' said Bill. 'Nail an' rivet me to the cross. I
haven't a word to say, except this: What in the devil do ye want me
to do?'
"'Well, ye might help to redeem New England,' I said. 'The Yankee
blood is runnin' out, an' it's a pity. To-day the Yankees are
almost a childless race. Do ye know the reason?'
"He shook his head.
"'It costs so much to live,' I says. 'We can't afford children.
To begin with, the boys an' girls don't marry so young. They can't
stand the expense. They're all keepin' up with Lizzie, but on the
wrong road. The girls are worse than the boys. They go out o' the
private school an' beat the bush for a husband. At first they
hope to drive out a duke or an earl; by-an'-by they're willin' to
take a common millionaire; at last they conclude that if they can't
get a stag they'll take a rabbit. Then we learn that they're
engaged to a young man, an' are goin' to marry as soon as he can
afford it. He wears himself out in the struggle, an' is apt to be
a nervous wreck before the day arrives. They are nearin' or past
thirty when he decides that with economy an' no children they can
afford to maintain a home. The bells ring, the lovely strains from
"Lohengrin" fill the grand, new house o' God, an' overflow into the
quiet streets o' the village, an' we hear in them what Wagner never
thought of--the joyful death-march of a race. Think of it, Bill,
this old earth is growin' too costly for the use o' man. We prefer
autos an' diamonds an' knick-knacks! Life has become a kind of a
circus where only the favored can pay the price of admission, an'
here in America, where about all the great men we have had were
bred in cabins, an' everything worth a fish-hook came out o'
poverty! You have it in your power to hasten the end o' this
wickedness,' I said. 'For one thing, you can make the middleman
let go of our throats in this community. Near here are hundreds of
acres o' land goin' to waste. Buy it an' make it produce--wool,
meat, flax, grains, an' vegetables. Start a market an' a small
factory here, an' satisfy yourself as to what is a just price for
the necessaries of life. If the tradesmen are overchargin' us,
they'll have to reduce prices. Put your brain an' money into it;
make it a business. At least, you'll demonstrate what it ought to
cost to live here in New England. If it's so much that the average
Yankee can't afford it by honest work--if we must all be lawyers or
bankers or brokers or graspin' middle-men in order to live--let's
start a big Asylum for the Upright, an' give 'em a chance to die
comfortably. But it isn't so. I can raise potatoes right here for
thirty cents a bushel, as good as those you pay forty cents a peck
for at Sam Henshaw's. You'll set an example of inestimable value
in this republic of ours. Dan has begun the good work, an'
demonstrated that it will pay.'
"'It's a good idea--I'm with you,' he said. 'If we can get the
boys an' girls to marry while the bloom is on the rye, it's worth
while, an' I wouldn't wonder if indirectly we'd increase the crop
of Yankees an' the yield of happiness to the acre.'
"'Bill, you're a good fellow,' I said. 'You only need to be
reminded of your duty--you're like many another man.'
"'And I'll think you the best fellow in the world if you'll let us
keep those kids. We enjoy them. We've been having a lot of fun
lately.'
"'I can't do that,' I said, 'but I'll keep 'em here until we can
get some more. There are thousands of them as beautiful, as
friendless, as promising as these were.'
"'I wish you could let us have these,' he urged. 'We wouldn't
adopt them, probably, but we'd do our best for them--our very best.'
"'I can't,' I answered.
"'Why?'
"'Because they've got hold of my old heart--that's why. I hadn't
looked for that, Bill, but the little cusses have conquered me.'
"'Great God!' he exclaimed. 'I hadn't thought of that. And my
wife told me this morning that she loves that three-year-old boy as
dearly as she loves me. They've all won her heart. What shall I
do?'
"'Let me think it over,' I said, an' shook his hand an' left, an' I
knew that I was likely to indulge in the makin' of history right
away.
"I went home an' sat down an' wrote the best brief of my career--an
appeal to the Supreme Court o' this planet--a woman's heart. It
was a letter to one whose name I honored although I had not written
it in years.
"Next mornin' I plunged into a lawsuit an' was workin' night an'
day, until the jury came in with a verdict an' court adjourned for
the Christmas holidays.
"An' that day a decision was handed down in my appeal to the court
of last resort. It was a cablegram from an Italian city, an' a
verdict in my favor. I am to get in that case the best fee on
record--a wife and the love of a dear and beautiful woman. We went
to school together, and I am ashamed that I didn't ask her to marry
me years ago. So much for me had Lizzie an' the kids accomplished.
"I was to dine with the Warburtons Christmas Eve, and be Santa
Claus for the children. I bought a set o' whiskers an' put on my
big fur coat and two sets o' bells on the mare, an' drove to the
villa, with a full pack in the buggy an' a fuller heart in my
breast.
"Bill an' Mrs. Bill an' I went over to the farm-house together with
our arms full. The children were in a room up-stairs with Mrs.
Hammond waiting for Santa Claus. Below we helped the two maids,
who were trimming the Christmas tree--and a wonderful tree it was
when we were done with it--why, sir, you'd have thought a rainbow
was falling into a thicket on the edge of a lake. My friend, it
was the tree of all fruits.
"We filled the little stockings hanging on the mantel. Then they
helped me to put on my beard an' the greatcoat an' cap an' the pack
over all, an' Mrs. Bill an' I went out-of-doors. We stood still
an' listened for a moment. Two baby voices were calling out of an
upper window: 'Santa Claus, please come, Santa Claus!' Then we
heard the window close an' the chatter above stairs, but we stood
still. Mrs. Bill seemed to be laughing, but I observed that her
handkerchief had the centre of the stage in this little comedy.
"In half a minute I stole down the road an' picked up the bells
that lay beside it, an' came prancin' to the door with a great
jingle, an' in I went an' took my stand by the Christmas tree. We
could hear the hurry of small feet, an' eager, half-hushed voices
in the hall overhead. Then down the stairway came my slender
battalion in the last scene of the siege. Their eyes were wide
with wonder, their feet slow with fear. The little captain of
three years ran straight to Mrs. Bill an' lay hold of her gown, an'
partly hid himself in its folds, an' stood peekin' out at me. It
was a masterful bit of strategy. I wonder how he could have done
it so well. She raised him in her arms an' held him close. A
great music-box in a corner began to play:
"'O tannenbaum! O tannenbaum!
wie grun sind deine blaetter!'
"Then with laughter an' merry jests we emptied the pack, an'
gathered from the tree whose fruit has fed the starving human heart
for more than a thousand years, an' how it filled those friends o'
mine!
"Well, it was the night of my life, an' when I turned to go, its
climax fell upon me. Mrs. Bill kneeled at my feet, an' said with
tears in her eyes, an' her lips an' voice trembling:
"'O Santa Claus! you have given me many things, but I beg for
more--five more.'
"The city had fallen. Its queen was on her knees. The victorious
army was swarming into the open gate of her arms. The hosts of
doubt an' fear were fleeing.
"I refuse to tell you all that happened in the next minute or two.
A witness has some rights when testifyin' against his own manhood.
"I helped the woman to her feet, an' said:
"'They are yours. I shall be happy enough, and, anyhow, I do not
think I shall need them now.'
"An' so I left them as happy as human beings have any right to be.
At last they had caught up with Lizzie, an' I, too, was in a fair
way to overtake her.
"An' how fared Dan in his pursuit of that remarkable maiden? Why,
that very night Lizzie an' Dan had been shakin' the tree o' love,
an' I guess the fruit on it was fairly ripe an' meller. Next day
they came up to my house together.
"Dan couldn't hold his happiness, an' slopped over as soon as he
was inside the door.
"'Mr. Potter,' says he, with more than Christmas merriment, 'we're
going to be married next month.'
"Before I could say a word he had gathered Lizzie up in his arms
an' kissed her, an' she kissed back as prompt as if it had been a
slap in a game o' tag.
"'You silly man,' she says, 'you could have had me long ago.'
"'If I'd only 'a' known it,' he says.
"'Oh, the ignorance o' some men!' she says, lookin' into his eyes.
"'It exceeds the penetration o' some women,' I says.
"They came together ag'in quite spiteful. I separated 'em.
"'Quit,' I says. 'Stop pickin' on each other. It provokes you an'
me too. You're like a pair o' kids turned loose in a candy store.
Behave yerselves an' listen to reason.'
"Lizzie turned upon me as if she thought it was none o' my
business. Then she smiled an' hid her face on the manly breast o'
Dan.
"'Now Lizzie,' I says, 'get yer mind in workin' order as soon as ye
can. Dan, you go over an' stand by the window. I want you to keep
at least ten paces apart, an' please don't fire 'til ye get the
signal. I'm goin' to give a prize for the simplest weddin' that
ever took place in Pointview,' I says. 'It will be five hundred
dollars in gold for the bride. Don't miss it.'
"'The marriage will occur at noon,' says Lizzie. 'There'll be
nothing but simple morning frocks. The girls can wear calico if
they wish. No jewels, no laces, no elaborate breakfast."
"'An' no presents, but mine, that cost over five dollars each,' I
says.
"An' that's the way it was--like old times. No hard work wasted in
gettin' ready, no vanity fair, no heart-burnin', no bitter envy, no
cussin' about the expense. There was nothing but love an'
happiness an' goodwill at that wedding. It was just as God would
have a wedding, I fancy, if He were the master o' ceremonies, as He
ought to be.
"They are now settled on a thousand acres o' land here in New
England. Dan has eight gangs o' human oxen from Italy at work for
him getting in his fertilizers. He rides a horse all day an' is as
cordy as a Roman gladiator. Do you know what it means? Ten
thousand like him are going into the same work, the greed o' the
middleman will be checked, an' one o' these days the old earth 'll
be lopsided with the fruitfulness of America."