There was only one man to speak to, and it being the nature
of the beast--so he harshly put it to himself--to be absolutely
impelled to speech at such times, Mount Dunstan laid bare his
breast to him, tearing aside all the coverings pride would have
folded about him. The man was, of course, Penzance, and the
laying bare was done the evening after the story of Red Godwyn
had been told in the laurel walk.
They had driven home together in a profound silence, the
elder man as deep in thought as the younger one. Penzance
was thinking that there was a calmness in having reached sixty
and in knowing that the pain and hunger of earlier years would
not tear one again. And yet, he himself was not untorn by
that which shook the man for whom his affection had grown
year by year. It was evidently very bad--very bad, indeed.
He wondered if he would speak of it, and wished he would, not
because he himself had much to say in answer, but because he
knew that speech would be better than hard silence.
"Stay with me to-night," Mount Dunstan said, as they
drove through the avenue to the house. "I want you to dine
with me and sit and talk late. I am not sleeping well."
They often dined together, and the vicar not infrequently
slept at the Mount for mere companionship's sake. Sometimes
they read, sometimes went over accounts, planned economies,
and balanced expenditures. A chamber still called the Chaplain's
room was always kept in readiness. It had been used
in long past days, when a household chaplain had sat below
the salt and left his patron's table before the sweets were
served. They dined together this night almost as silently as
they had driven homeward, and after the meal they went and sat
alone in the library.
The huge room was never more than dimly lighted, and the
far-off corners seemed more darkling than usual in the
insufficient illumination of the far from brilliant lamps. Mount
Dunstan, after standing upon the hearth for a few minutes
smoking a pipe, which would have compared ill with old Doby's
Sunday splendour, left his coffee cup upon the mantel and
began to tramp up and down--out of the dim light into the
shadows, back out of the shadows into the poor light.
"You know," he said, "what I think about most things-- you know
what I feel."
"I think I do."
"You know what I feel about Englishmen who brand themselves
as half men and marked merchandise by selling themselves
and their houses and their blood to foreign women who
can buy them. You know how savage I have been at the mere
thought of it. And how I have sworn----"
"Yes, I know what you have sworn," said Mr. Penzance.
It struck him that Mount Dunstan shook and tossed his
head rather like a bull about to charge an enemy.
"You know how I have felt myself perfectly within my rights when
I blackguarded such men and sneered at such women--taking it for
granted that each was merchandise of his or her kind and beneath
contempt. I am not a foul-mouthed man, but I have used gross
words and rough ones to describe them."
"I have heard you."
Mount Dunstan threw back his head with a big, harsh
laugh. He came out of the shadow and stood still.
"Well," he said, "I am in love--as much in love as any
lunatic ever was--with the daughter of Reuben S. Vanderpoel.
There you are--and there I am!"
"It has seemed to me," Penzance answered, "that it was
almost inevitable."
"My condition is such that it seems to me that it would
be inevitable in the case of any man. When I see another man
look at her my blood races through my veins with an awful
fear and a wicked heat. That will show you the point I have
reached." He walked over to the mantelpiece and laid his
pipe down with a hand Penzance saw was unsteady. "In
turning over the pages of the volume of Life," he said, "I
have come upon the Book of Revelations."
"That is true," Penzance said.
"Until one has come upon it one is an inchoate fool," Mount
Dunstan went on. "And afterwards one is--for a time at
least--a sort of madman raving to one's self, either in or out of
a straitjacket--as the case may be. I am wearing the jacket
--worse luck! Do you know anything of the state of a man
who cannot utter the most ordinary words to a woman without
being conscious that he is making mad love to her? This
afternoon I found myself telling Miss Vanderpoel the story of Red
Godwyn and Alys of the Sea-Blue Eyes. I did not make a
single statement having any connection with myself, but
throughout I was calling on her to think of herself and of me
as of those two. I saw her in my own arms, with the tears
of Alys on her lashes. I was making mad love, though she
was unconscious of my doing it."
"How do you know she was unconscious?" remarked Mr.
Penzance. "You are a very strong man."
Mount Dunstan's short laugh was even a little awful,
because it meant so much. He let his forehead drop a moment
on to his arms as they rested on the mantelpiece.
"Oh, my God!" he said. But the next instant his head lifted
itself. "It is the mystery of the world--this thing. A tidal
wave gathering itself mountain high and crashing down upon one's
helplessness might be as easily defied. It is supposed
to disperse, I believe. That has been said so often that there
must be truth in it. In twenty or thirty or forty years one is
told one will have got over it. But one must live through the
years--one must live through them--and the chief feature of
one's madness is that one is convinced that they will last
forever."
"Go on," said Mr. Penzance, because he had paused and
stood biting his lip. "Say all that you feel inclined to say.
It is the best thing you can do. I have never gone through this
myself, but I have seen and known the amazingness of it for
many years. I have seen it come and go."
"Can you imagine," Mount Dunstan said, "that the most
damnable thought of all--when a man is passing through it--
is the possibility of its going? Anything else rather than the
knowledge that years could change or death could end it!
Eternity seems only to offer space for it. One knows--but one
does not believe. It does something to one's brain."
"No scientist, howsoever profound, has ever discovered
what," the vicar mused aloud.
"The Book of Revelations has shown to me how--how
magnificent life might be!" Mount Dunstan clenched and
unclenched his hands, his eyes flashing. "Magnificent--that is
the word. To go to her on equal ground to take her hands
and speak one's passion as one would--as her eyes answered.
Oh, one would know! To bring her home to this place--having
made it as it once was--to live with her here--to be with
her as the sun rose and set and the seasons changed--with the
joy of life filling each of them. She is the joy of Life--the
very heart of it. You see where I am--you see!"
"Yes," Penzance answered. He saw, and bowed his head,
and Mount Dunstan knew he wished him to continue.
"Sometimes--of late--it has been too much for me and I
have given free rein to my fancy--knowing that there could
never be more than fancy. I was doing it this afternoon as I
watched her move about among the people. And Mary Lithcom
began to talk about her." He smiled a grim smile.
"Perhaps it was an intervention of the gods to drag me down
from my impious heights. She was quite unconscious that she
was driving home facts like nails--the facts that every man who
wanted money wanted Reuben S. Vanderpoel's daughter--and
that the young lady, not being dull, was not unaware of the
obvious truth! And that men with prizes to offer were ready
to offer them in a proper manner. Also that she was only a
brilliant bird of passage, who, in a few months, would be
caught in the dazzling net of the great world. And that even
Lord Westholt and Dunholm Castle were not quite what she
might expect. Lady Mary was sincerely interested. She drove
it home in her ardour. She told me to look at her--to look
at her mouth and chin and eyelashes--and to make note of
what she stood for in a crowd of ordinary people. I could
have laughed aloud with rage and self-mockery."
Mr. Penzance was resting his forehead on his hand, his elbow
on his chair's arm.
"This is profound unhappiness," he said. "It is profound
unhappiness."
Mount Dunstan answered by a brusque gesture.
"But it will pass away," went on Penzance, "and not as you fear
it must," in answer to another gesture, fiercely impatient. "Not
that way. Some day--or night--you will stand heretogether, and
you will tell her all you have told me. I know it will be so."
"What!" Mount Dunstan cried out. But the words had been spoken
with such absolute conviction that he felt himself become pale.
It was with the same conviction that Penzance went on.
"I have spent my quiet life in thinking of the forces for
which we find no explanation--of the causes of which we only
see the effects. Long ago in looking at you in one of my
pondering moments I said to myself that you were of the Primeval
Force which cannot lose its way--which sweeps a clear pathway
for itself as it moves--and which cannot be held back. I said
to you just now that because you are a strong man you cannot
be sure that a woman you are--even in spite of yourself--
making mad love to, is unconscious that you are doing it. You
do not know what your strength lies in. I do not, the woman
does not, but we must all feel it, whether we comprehend it or
no. You said of this fine creature, some time since, that she
was Life, and you have just said again something of the same
kind. It is quite true. She is Life, and the joy of it. You are
two strong forces, and you are drawing together."
He rose from his chair, and going to Mount Dunstan put hishand on
his shoulder, his fine old face singularly rapt and glowing.
"She is drawing you and you are drawing her, and each is too
strong to release the other. I believe that to be true.
Both bodies and souls do it. They are not separate things. They
move on their way as the stars do--they move on their way."
As he spoke, Mount Dunstan's eyes looked into his fixedly.
Then they turned aside and looked down upon the mantel
against which he was leaning. He aimlessly picked up his pipe
and laid it down again. He was paler than before, but he
said no single word.
"You think your reasons for holding aloof from her are the
reasons of a man." Mr. Penzance's voice sounded to him
remote. "They are the reasons of a man's pride--but that is not
the strongest thing in the world. It only imagines it is. You
think that you cannot go to her as a luckier man could. You
think nothing shall force you to speak. Ask yourself why. It
is because you believe that to show your heart would be to
place yourself in the humiliating position of a man who might
seem to her and to the world to be a base fellow."
"An impudent, pushing, base fellow," thrust in Mount Dunstan
fiercely. "One of a vulgar lot. A thing fancying even
its beggary worth buying. What has a man--whose very name
is hung with tattered ugliness--to offer?"
Penzance's hand was still on his shoulder and his look at
him was long.
"His very pride," he said at last, "his very obstinacy and
haughty, stubborn determination. Those broken because the
other feeling is the stronger and overcomes him utterly."
A flush leaped to Mount Dunstan's forehead. He set both
elbows on the mantel and let his forehead fall on his clenched
fists. And the savage Briton rose in him.
"No!" he said passionately. "By God, no!"
"You say that," said the older man, "because you have not
yet reached the end of your tether. Unhappy as you are, you
are not unhappy enough. Of the two, you love yourself the
more--your pride and your stubbornness."
"Yes," between his teeth. "I suppose I retain yet a sort of
respect--and affection--for my pride. May God leave it to me!"
Penzance felt himself curiously exalted; he knew himself
unreasoningly passing through an oddly unpractical, uplifted
moment, in whose impelling he singularly believed.
"You are drawing her and she is drawing you," he said.
"Perhaps you drew each other across seas. You will stand
here together and you will tell her of this--on this very spot."
Mount Dunstan changed his position and laughed roughly, as
if to rouse himself. He threw out his arm in a big, uneasy
gesture, taking in the room.
"Oh, come," he said. "You talk like a seer. Look about
you. Look! I am to bring her here!"
"If it is the primeval thing she will not care. Why should she?"
"She! Bring a life like hers to this! Or perhaps you mean
that her own wealth might make her surroundings becoming--
that a man would endure that?"
"If it is the primeval thing, you would not care. You would
have forgotten that you two had ever lived an hour apart."
He spoke with a deep, moved gravity--almost as if he were
speaking of the first Titan building of the earth. Mount Dunstan
staring at his delicate, insistent, elderly face, tried to laugh
again--and failed because the effort seemed actually irreverent.
It was a singular hypnotic moment, indeed. He himself was
hypnotised. A flashlight of new vision blazed before him and
left him dumb. He took up his pipe hurriedly, and with still
unsteady fingers began to refill it. When it was filled he
lighted it, and then without a word of answer left the hearth
and began to tramp up and down the room again--out of the
dim light into the shadows, back out of the shadows and into
the dim light again, his brow working and his teeth holding
hard his amber mouthpiece.
The morning awakening of a normal healthy human creature
should be a joyous thing. After the soul's long hours of
release from the burden of the body, its long hours spent--
one can only say in awe at the mystery of it, "away, away"--
in flight, perhaps, on broad, tireless wings, beating softly in
fair, far skies, breathing pure life, to be brought back to renew
the strength of each dawning day; after these hours of quiescence
of limb and nerve and brain, the morning life returning
should unseal for the body clear eyes of peace at least. In
time to come this will be so, when the soul's wings are
stronger, the body more attuned to infinite law and the race a
greater power--but as yet it often seems as though the winged
thing came back a lagging and reluctant rebel against its fate
and the chain which draws it back a prisoner to its toil.
It had seemed so often to Mount Dunstan--oftener than
not. Youth should not know such awakening, he was well
aware; but he had known it sometimes even when he had been
a child, and since his return from his ill-starred struggle in
America, the dull and reluctant facing of the day had become
a habit. Yet on the morning after his talk with his friend--
the curious, uplifted, unpractical talk which had seemed to
hypnotise him--he knew when he opened his eyes to the light
that he had awakened as a man should awake--with an unreasoning
sense of pleasure in the life and health of his own body,
as he stretched mighty limbs, strong after the night's rest, and
feeling that there was work to be done. It was all unreasoning--
there was no more to be done than on those other days
which he had wakened to with bitterness, because they seemed
useless and empty of any worth--but this morning the mere
light of the sun was of use, the rustle of the small breeze in
the leaves, the soft floating past of the white clouds, the mere
fact that the great blind-faced, stately house was his own, that
he could tramp far over lands which were his heritage, unfed
though they might be, and that the very rustics who would pass
him in the lanes were, so to speak, his own people: that he had
name, life, even the common thing of hunger for his morning
food--it was all of use.
An alluring picture--of a certain deep, clear bathing pool in
the park rose before him. It had not called to him for many
a day, and now he saw its dark blueness gleam between flags
and green rushes in its encircling thickness of shrubs and trees.
He sprang from his bed, and in a few minutes was striding
across the grass of the park, his towels over his arm, his head
thrown back as he drank in the freshness of the morning-
scented air. It was scented with dew and grass and the
breath of waking trees and growing things; early twitters and
thrills were to be heard here and there, insisting on morning
joyfulness; rabbits frisked about among the fine-grassed hummocks
of their warren and, as he passed, scuttled back into their
holes, with a whisking of short white tails, at which he laughed
with friendly amusement. Cropping stags lifted their antlered
heads, and fawns with dappled sides and immense lustrous eyes
gazed at him without actual fear, even while they sidled closer
to their mothers. A skylark springing suddenly from the
grass a few yards from his feet made him stop short once and
stand looking upward and listening. Who could pass by a
skylark at five o'clock on a summer's morning--the little,
heavenly light-heart circling and wheeling, showering down
diamonds, showering down pearls, from its tiny pulsating,
trilling throat?
"Do you know why they sing like that? It is because all
but the joy of things has been kept hidden from them. They
knew nothing but life and flight and mating, and the gold of
the sun. So they sing." That she had once said.
He listened until the jewelled rain seemed to have fallen into
his soul. Then he went on his way smiling as he knew he had
never smiled in his life before. He knew it because he realised
that he had never before felt the same vigorous, light normality
of spirit, the same sense of being as other men. It was as
though something had swept a great clear space about him, and
having room for air he breathed deep and was glad of the
commonest gifts of being.
The bathing pool had been the greatest pleasure of his
uncared-for boyhood. No one knew which long passed away
Mount Dunstan had made it. The oldest villager had told him
that it had "allus ben there," even in his father's time. Since
he himself had known it he had seen that it was kept at its best.
Its dark blue depths reflected in their pellucid clearness the
water plants growing at its edge and the enclosing shrubs and
trees. The turf bordering it was velvet-thick and green, and a
few flag-steps led down to the water. Birds came there to drink
and bathe and preen and dress their feathers. He knew there were
often nests in the bushes--sometimes the nests of nightingales
who filled the soft darkness or moonlight of early June with
the wonderfulness of nesting song. Sometimes a straying fawn
poked in a tender nose, and after drinking delicately stole away,
as if it knew itself a trespasser.
To undress and plunge headlong into the dark sapphire water
was a rapturous thing. He swam swiftly and slowly by turns,
he floated, looking upward at heaven's blue, listening to birds'
song and inhaling all the fragrance of the early day. Strength
grew in him and life pulsed as the water lapped his limbs. He
found himself thinking with pleasure of a long walk he intended
to take to see a farmer he must talk to about his hop gardens;
he found himself thinking with pleasure of other things as simple
and common to everyday life--such things as he ordinarily
faced merely because he must, since he could not afford an
experienced bailiff. He was his own bailiff, his own steward,
merely, he had often thought, an unsuccessful farmer of half-
starved lands. But this morning neither he nor they seemed
so starved, and--for no reason--there was a future of some sort.
He emerged from his pool glowing, the turf feeling like
velvet beneath his feet, a fine light in his eyes.
"Yes," he said, throwing out his arms in a lordly stretch of
physical well-being, "it might be a magnificent thing--mere
strong living. This is magnificent."