In the desert, where roads are fewer and worse than they should
be, a man may travel wherever he can negotiate the rocks and
sand, and none may say him nay. If any man objects, the traveler
is by custom privileged to whip the objector if he is big enough,
and afterwards go on his way with the full approval of public
opinion. He may blaze a trail of his own, return that way a year
later and find his trail an established thoroughfare.
In the desert Casey gave trail to none nor asked reprisals if he
suffered most in a sudden meeting. In Los Angeles Casey was
halted and rebuked on every corner, so he complained; hampered
and annoyed by rules and regulations which desert dwellers never
dreamed of.
Since he kept the optimistic viewpoint of a child, experience
seemed to teach him little. Like the boy he was at heart, he was
perfectly willing to make good resolutions--all of which were
more or less theoretical and left to a kindly Providence to keep
intact for him.
So here he was, after we had pried him loose from his last
predicament, perfectly optimistic under his fresh haircut, and
thinking the traffic cops would not remember him. Thinking,
too--as he confided to the Little Woman--that Los Angeles looked
pretty good, after all. He was resolved to lead henceforth a
blameless life. It was time he settled down, Casey declared
virtuously. His last trip into the desert was all wrong, and he
wanted you to ask anybody if Casey Ryan wasn't ready at any and
all times to admit his mistakes, if he ever happened to make any.
He was starting in fresh now, with a new deal all around from a
new deck. He had got up and walked around his chair, he told us,
and had thrown the ash of a left-handed cigarette over his right
shoulder; he'd show the world that Casey Ryan could and would
keep out of gunshot of trouble.
He was rehearsing all this and feeling very self-righteous while
he drove down West Washington Street. True, he was doing
twenty-five where he shouldn't, but so far no officer had yelled
at him and he hadn't so much as barked a fender. Down across
Grand Avenue he larruped, never noticing the terrific bounce when
he crossed the water drains there (being still fresh from desert
roads). He was still doing twenty-five when he turned into Hill
Street.
Busy with his good resolutions and the blameless life he was
about to lead, Casey forgot to signal the left-hand turn. In the
desert you don't signal, because the nearest car is probably
forty or fifty miles behind you and collisions are not imminent.
West- Washington-and-Hill-Street crossing is not desert, however.
A car was coming behind Casey much closer than fifty miles; one
of those scuttling Ford delivery trucks. It locked fenders with
Casey when he swung to the left. The two cars skidded as one
toward the right-hand curb; caught amidships a bright yellow,
torpedo-tailed runabout coming up from Main Street, and turned it
neatly on its back, its four wheels spinning helplessly in the
quiet, sunny morning. Casey himself was catapulted over the
runabout, landing abruptly in a sitting position on the corner of
the vacant lot beyond, his self-righteousness considerably
jarred.
A new traffic officer had been detailed to watch that
intersection and teach a driving world that it must not cut
corners. A bright, new traffic button had been placed in the
geographical center of the crossing; and woe be unto the
right-hand pocket of any man who failed to drive circumspectly
around it. New traffic officers are apt to be keenly
conscientious in their work. At twenty-five dollars per cut,
sixteen unhappy drivers had been taught where the new button was
located and had been informed that twelve miles per hour at that
crossing would be tolerated, and that more would be expensive.
Not all drivers take their teaching meekly, and the new traffic
officer near the end of his shift had pessimistically decided
that the driving world is composed mostly of blamed idiots and
hardened criminals.
He gritted his teeth ominously when Casey Ryan came down upon the
crossing at double the legal speed. He held his breath for an
instant during the crash that resounded for blocks. When the
dust had settled, he ran over and yanked off the dented sand of
the vacant lot a dazed and hardened malefactor who had committed
three traffic crimes in three seconds: he had exceeded the speed
limit outrageously, cut fifteen feet inside the red button, and
failed to signal the turn.
"You damned, drunken boob!" shouted the new traffic cop and shook
Casey Ryan (not knowing him).
Shaking Casey will never be safe until he is in his coffin with a
lily in his hand. He was considerably jolted, but he managed a
fourth crime in the next five minutes. He licked the traffic cop
rather thoroughly--I suppose because his onslaught was wholly
unexpected--kicked an expostulating minister in the pit of the
stomach, and was profanely volunteering to lick the whole darned
town when he was finally overwhelmed by numbers and captured
alive; which speaks well for the L. A. P.
Wherefore Casey Ryan continued his ride down town in a dark car
that wears a clamoring bell the size of a breakfast plate under
the driver's foot, and a dark red L. A. Police Patrol sign
painted on the sides. Two uniformed, stern-lipped cops rode with
him and didn't seem to care if Casey's nose was bleeding all over
his vest. A uniformed cop stood on the steps behind, and another
rode beside the driver and kept his eye peeled over his shoulder,
thinking he would be justified in shooting if anything started
inside. Boys on bicycles pedaled furiously to keep up, and many
an automobile barely escaped the curb because the driver was
goggling at the mussed-up prisoner in the "Black Maria."
The Little Woman telegraphed me at San Francisco that night. The
wire was brief but disquieting. It merely said, "Casey in jail
serious need help." But I caught the Lark an hour later and
thanked God it was running on time.
The Little Woman and I spent two frantic days getting Casey out
of jail. The traffic cop's defeat had been rather public; and
just as soon as he could stand up straight in the pulpit, the
minister meant to preach a series of sermons against the laxity
of a police force that permits such outrages to occur in broad
daylight. More than that, the thing was in the papers, and
people were reading and giggling on the street cars and in
restaurants. Wherefore, the L. A. P. was on its tin ear.
Even so, much may be accomplished for a man so wholesomely human
as Casey Ryan. On the third day the charge against him was
changed from something worse to "Reckless driving and disturbing
the peace." Casey was persuaded to plead guilty to that charge,
which was harder to accomplish than mollifying the L. A. P.
He paid two fifty-dollar fines and was forbidden to drive a car
"in the County of Los Angeles, State of California, during the
next succeeding period of two years." He was further advised
(unofficially but nevertheless with complete sincerity) to pay
all damages to the two cars he had wrecked and to ask the
minister's doctor what was his fee; a new uniform for the traffic
cop was also suggested, since Casey had thrust his foot violently
into the cop's pocket which was not tailored to resist the
strain. The judge also observed, in the course of the
conversation, that desert air was peculiarly invigorating and
that Casey should not jeopardize his health and well-being by
filling his lungs with city smoke.
I couldn't blame Casey much for the mood he was in after a
setback like that to his good resolutions. I was inclined to
believe with Casey that Providence had lain down on the job.